just a rant.... (with F words, sorry)

I can't fucking block. Period. Most recently, I finished a Hemlock Ring Blanket and after attempting to block it for HOURS and getting absolutely nowhere, I sort of threw it at Beff and told her she could keep it as her prize for blocking it. I *LOVED* that blanket, I *LOVED* the yarn, I *LOVED* the pattern, but blocking is just THAT MUCH of a nightmare to me, I was willing to just discard it to not have to deal with it. She offered to block it for me and return it and I refused because some day I'd want to wash it and then what!?!?! THEN WHAT, I ASK YOU!!!!!

Here's a horrid picture of it:

So then, I finish the knitting on my bastard Kenobi Jacket that I've been working on for, how long? MAY OF *2007*!!!!! That's right, THREE AND A HALF YEARS!!!!!! (interesting side note here, if you go to images.google.com and do a search for "Kenobi Jacket" in quotes just like that, an alarming number of the images are of me and my knitting from this very blog LOL THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN! The lapse in time has altered Google itself!) As one might imagine, this induced a well-deserved feeling of knitting bliss and accomplishment, albeit a brief moment, since I then diligently soaked my pieces and laid them out to block, and guess what? I'm a fucking moron with 10, count them, 10 thumbs! I have some sort of handicap when it comes to blocking ANYTHING. I've researched websites (good ones too!), viewed videos, read books, and what's most fucked up about it is I TOTALLY understand it. I comprehend the concept, the steps involved, EVERYTHING and yet, I still am 100% incapable of doing it.

Now the true question: What the crap am I supposed to do about it? I feel like I've gone against some odds here, picked up knitting late in life, taught myself with the aid of Knitting Help and the web and did lots of stupid things like making one of my first real projects FiberTrends Felt Clogs and shawls involving many pages of charts and tiny needles (those never came to fruition, of course, but many hours were lost.) Years later, I feel like quite a proficient knitter, I've taught classes in some intermediate techniques (even those f'in clogs,) fellow knitters have often looked to me for guidance, I've taught lots of people to knit from the start (those poor unsuspecting people) and I don't seem to be satisfied choosing a project unless it is at least 8 pages long, 5 of those pages being obnoxious charts, and I *LIKE* it. But what good is all that if I can never *truly* finish a damn thing and WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT?! I have never stuck with anything this long, loved anything this much, or spent this much of my money on anything EVER in my life, and I'm ready to set it all on fire. I am SO angry and frustrated by this and I know it's not right.... BUT WHAT DO I DO?! LOL. Seriously, though. Help.

P.S. Pamela, I am sure whining isn't what you were hoping for, but HI! :-D It was great seeing you, hope all is well! If it wasn't apparent, my "balls" are in an uproar. :-((((

P.S.P.S. I went to the recently re-built Delray Beach library tonight and can you believe I happened across Sock Innovation by Cookie A.?!?!?! SQUEE!!!!!! Seems awesome so far, but have to delve futher. kbai.